


still friends, not lovers

by jxneun



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: Gen, M/M, One-Sided Love, Slow Burn, agumon’s personality being more than just hungry 2020, lots of realizations, takeru mentioned in yamato’s dramatic monolog lol, tri spoilers, tw: PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxneun/pseuds/jxneun
Summary: Pairing: implied Yamato/Taichi, with more so Yamato one-sidedly pining for Taichi and experiencing a lot of unresolved emotions and teenage growing painsRating; PG-13 just to be safe, to account for the darker tones. tw: PTSDYamato takes the time to reflect on his own feelings, but to his dismay, the partner Digimon of the boy who’s currently the center of his love-stricken thoughts appears before him. Agumon’s a lot smarter than most think, and notices Yamato’s pained expressions and conflicted feelings. One-shot. Yamato and Agumon-centric. Set during Tri, around the first three movies, but not too many spoilers.fic inspiration from “still friends, not lovers” by slchld, whoosh
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida & Yagami Taichi | Tai Kamiya, Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Yagami Taichi | Tai Kamiya
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	still friends, not lovers

The repetitive sound of the clock resounded in his ears, but he paid little to no attention to it; deep in thought, Yamato pondered about the past and how he had grown so attached, consumed by his own feelings. 

Okay, Yamato was at least self-aware enough to realize that he had tendencies to blow up on others, specifically Taichi and whoever was unlucky to look at Yamato the wrong way. Since he had developed these coping mechanisms which were probably pretty unhealthy, he realized that his emotional capacity was not the greatest, after bottling up his feelings for so long, as a consequence from his teenage angst as result of his troubled childhood, with his parents’ separation or what not. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the brunette boy, whose actions frustrated him to no end, and whose brown hair and eyes, voice, and lips he couldn’t get out of his head. Taichi’s infamous brunette bird’s nest of a hairdo was fluffy and big enough for the baby Digimon to rest comfortably, given their time in the digital world as children and even now in high school. As messy and outgrown as it was, the times that Yamato would grab at Taichi’s locks of hair during their fist fights, he couldn’t help but notice how soft it was, despite how he knew for a fact that Taichi was one of those people who used 3-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. His doe brown eyes, previously filled with childlike wonder and passion, with a voice that filled Yamato’s heart with growing unease, as it went from boisterous laughter to throaty chuckles, and lips that were rosy pink, when he bit his lips without realizing when he was deep in thought. 

Yamato was screwed. He knew he was head over heels over his best friend, and he didn’t even know that he was even attracted to males in the first place. For hell’s sake, Yamato barely even thought about girls that way, since he was always so preoccupied with the adventures they had in the Digital World and the problems that never really left their shoulders in the human world. When he wasn’t thinking about the Digital World and the problems that presented as result of some antagonist popping out to destroy their lives and “restore order of the Digi World by eliminating the perceived threats”, Yamato worried about Takeru and ensuring that he was growing up well, despite their parents’ painful divorce at such an early age. While Takeru was mostly unaware as a child, especially when their parents’ fights would escalate, Yamato vowed to ensure that he would never have to bear the brunt of their parents’ issues. Even if he had to take the majority of the weight, he’d rather his younger brother live a mostly normal life, even with the Digimon issues coming up and interfering in their lives every so often. At least with this hormonal problem and his newfound feelings (were they really though), Taichi was overly dense and never took note of his lingering stares over time. Taichi probably didn’t ever take these interactions to heart or dwelled on it, or at least that’s what Yamato hoped for anyway. At this time, Yamato was overly consumed by his feelings that were mushy and overly complicated and — 

“ _Yamato, what are you thinking about?”_

In shock, Yamato quickly came to his senses and looked to around to spot where the voice was coming from. He then looked down, and to his surprise, found Agumon’s curious emerald eyes staring at him with childish wonder and slight concern. 

Yamato responded, stammering after recollecting himself, “ _It’s nothing. What are you doing here, Agumon?_ ” Agumon then took a seat next to Yamato, where he had been sulking, at least in Agumon’s eyes. The blonde-haired boy always had seemed deep in thought, and his turbulent nature tended to confuse Agumon at times. 

Agumon knew how Yamato and Taichi tended to fight, whether it be through fist fights in the Digi World in literal snow, not even fearing for their lives where they could have potentially died from hypothermia rather than an unstable Digimon, or when Yamato would project his expectations on Taichi, such as his utter disbelief when Taichi had refused to go instantly into battle when the Digimons had come to the human world out of nowhere. Wistfully, Agumon took note of how his partner and the blonde tended to act towards one another, and his initial observation of Yamato’s intensity was that he was kind of cranky and unfairly taking his frustrations out on Taichi. Reflecting, Agumon connected the dots and came to the realization that Yamato’s explosive nature might have honestly just manifested from fear. 

Fear that things changed, fear that their bond would never be the same, fear for their lives, and fear that the pressure placed on their shoulders as the Chosen Children would soon crush them under the weight of both the digital and human worlds. 

While Agumon knew that the others, including the other Digimon and the human children, tended to think that he was dense and childish, he wasn’t stupid. He recalled the times that Taichi would lay in his room, conflicted with how they were dealing with things and the repercussions that came with acting versus remaining passive. He was aware of the longstanding consequences of fighting back, and how the human world reacted to his presence as a giant dinosaur-like creature appearing in Odaiba out of nowhere to fight some giant bug. Agumon knew this, because he saw how Taichi would curse and furrow his brows and appear so tense; Taichi was grown, and that stress that accompanied his human partner had left Agumon puzzled.

When he would ask Taichi what was bothering him, Taichi would try to reassure him and say that he was fine. He didn’t know how to properly help Taichi, aside from making jokes to lighten the mood, or insisting he was hungry; he saw how Taichi would say that he had no appetite and that he wasn’t hungry at dinner, even though Agumon knew that the brunette’s lunch was left uneaten. He would blearily wake from his slumber in the middle of the night, and he’d see that Taichi would be restless on his bed, unmoving and staring blankly, almost as if he couldn’t sleep or did not want to go back to sleep. Even when Taichi did get some sort of shut eye, there were times where Agumon would have to wake Taichi up, as the boy would thrash in his sleep, covered in cold sweat, and his whole body would tremble uncontrollably. It scared Agumon.

These were things that Agumon kept at the back of his mind, but he never failed to ignore how Taichi would act. Some days, Taichi would appear the same. Some days, Agumon felt like Taichi was the same person he was as a child, yet he felt unease. He saw how Taichi would put on a brave face and smile for the rest, even if he was barely sleeping or eating. Agumon saw how Taichi would be gasping for breath each morning, with glassy eyes and a half-hearted smile to reassure Agumon, so he wouldn’t worry his partner. Agumon took in all of these small details, and hoped for Taichi’s safety, that the immense pressure placed on them would be lifted soon. He wished that Taichi wouldn’t feel this intense need to put up an act, and he wished that the others were able to see through his facade as well.

He was afraid that Taichi was slowly breaking apart, and he was deathly afraid that he wouldn’t be there for Taichi to put the pieces back together. After all, their time in the human world was limited, and ultimately determined by the wants of the higher forces of the Digital World. Agumon had faith in Taichi, along with the others, but he couldn’t help but worry, because he loved Taichi and wanted to protect him. This was a problem where he couldn’t fix things by digivolving. This was something he had to combat in other ways, and he didn’t know if Taichi was even willing to face that he needed help.

As Taichi’s partner, Agumon knew about Taichi’s perpetual worries and apprehension, whereas the others didn’t. He wanted to be patient, and respect Taichi’s privacy, but his patience was wearing thin as his concerns grew. He would see how Taichi’s weary smiles would fade into frowns, and how Taichi would be stuck, in trance-like deep thoughts, almost as if he was dissociating. When Taichi got like that, it was like he was in another world, neither the human nor Digi World... It was like Agumon didn’t exist and that Taichi was a shell of a human being. It was unsettling, and Agumon couldn’t find a way for himself to convey how he felt to Taichi, or to any of the others. Even Hikari was fairly unaware, and Agumon didn’t have the heart to tell her. He knew how much Hikari loved her brother, and he wanted Taichi to express his pain with his sister, to ask to share the burden, rather than him interfering and causing an unnecessary stressor on Taichi.

The rest of the Chosen Children saw Taichi as a leader, as the bearer of the crest of courage, Taichi was always expected to take the initiative, and make the tough decisions for the team. Now, he was growing older and wiser, and the precautions Taichi took were out of fear, fear from hurting others, fear from potentially finding a human body under the rubble and concrete from buildings that would get crushed in the process of a Digimon battle, and fears that the Digimon would be treated as threats to humanity. He was afraid that the Digimon would be treated as scum, and antagonized for their efforts to save humanity. 

* * *

With Yamato staring blankly at him, with his cobalt blue eyes patiently waiting for Agumon’s response, Agumon then said the following which earned him an earful,

“ _Were you thinking about Taichi?”_

The usually reserved blonde boy was reduced to a mess, blushing from cheek to ear and all the way down his neck, as he sputtered incoherent excuses and reassurances that Agumon was clearly mistaken.

To his chagrin, Yamato was embarrassed beyond belief, as Agumon had caught him in the act and was amazingly spot on in his innocent questions to Yamato; he needed to clear his head. It was already ten times more mortifying that he had been thinking about Taichi and his fellow partner Digimon had found him deep in thought, but the fact that Agumon was known for being so carefree and sometimes ignorant, not really reading the atmosphere when discussions had grown heated amongst the Digi Destined. 

Agumon proceeded further, saying, “ _Taichi’s amazing, and always makes sure that I get to eat til my stomach’s filled to my heart’s delight,_ ” with a fond look to his face.

Looking back at the scaly dinosaur-like Digimon, Yamato then said, “ _You’re right_ ,” with a soft smile to his face. At the end of the day, even though Agumon could easily tear him to shreds in his digivolved states, Agumon was a sweet and kind Digimon whose presence served as a reminder that the Digimons had played a key role in shaping their outlooks on life. They had been lucky to make these everlasting friendships, despite the unfortunate circumstances pitted on them ever since they were small kids going to summer camp. 

“ _Well, are you hungry right now, Agumon? My treat,”_ said Yamato, as he’s never really gotten a chance to spend time with Agumon alone, despite how he had always taken a liking to the Digimon. 

Agumon’s kind and pure intentions didn’t go completely unnoticed by Yamato, just as he always took notice of any slight change of mood in Taichi, his observations extended to the rest of the team, even if it was to a lesser extent than with his concerns for the brunette boy. 

Delighted, Agumon was ecstatic, and insisted on getting anything Yamato wanted, but he still threw out suggestions he had in mind, such as ramen, burgers, or ice cream. Chuckling, Yamato agreed to burgers and then looked outside the window. The weather had gone from being slightly gloomy to clearer skies, with the sun peering out of the cumulus clouds. The sun didn’t necessarily beat down on them, rather it was nice and warm. 

It was rare to feel like he wasn’t constantly on edge as of lately, and he looked forward to his small outing with Agumon, despite the potential demise to his wallet, given the Digimon’s hearty appetite and iron stomach. The problems he had with Taichi would probably exist as long as he knew the brunette goggles-adorning boy, and he probably would not be able to escape his unresolved teenage feelings anytime soon. At least, for this moment, he felt at ease. Walking out to the school courtyard where had parked his motorcycle, he pulled out a helmet and offered one to Agumon, as he readied himself to take the bike out on the road to the nearest burger joint. He then took off his jacket and gave it to Agumon to wear, to avoid any weird looks from passerbyers and so they’d appear less conspicuous. 

“ _Ready, Agumon_?” asked Yamato.

“ _You bet!_ ” replied Agumon, bouncing in each stomp and with over-the-top enthusiasm, even under the orange helmet on part of his head.

He was sure that Taichi would be surprised to see that he took Agumon out to eat, but he was positive and anticipated that the boy wouldn’t mind. After all, Agumon practically had two different sets of stomachs and digestive systems, and the Digimon could probably eat enough to feed a small village. Gabumon might get a little jealous though, but he could just make his partner Digimon his favorite blueberry scones for breakfast in the morning to make up for it. As he secured himself on his bike and ensured Agumon’s safety, the gentle breeze cradled his face, and his hair blew messily in the wind; Agumon’s excited laughter filled his ears, and they made their way to the nearest burger joint. 

“ _Hold on, and here we go!”_

**Author's Note:**

> hehe I’m not ready to go back to work and college AKA ZOOM Uni on Monday but here’s to some escapism via my faves. Also, I strongly suggest to you all to listen to the songs I list in the description to add onto the #late night simp hours HAHA. Really adds onto the tone. 
> 
> As always, thank you all for the kudos, comments and support. I appreciate it and y’all make my day. <3 I love Digimon and I’m happy to share a piece of my heart through these fics (still debating on either investing in a drawing tablet versus a switch because I want the new Animal Crossing :(；ﾞﾟ'ωﾟ'): but broke college bitch life so welp) Also these fics are mostly un-beta’d because I tend to write at unholy hours when I can’t sleep & I usually write them within an hour or two haha. The summer internship & scholarship apps grind never stops, even with a global pandemic 😔 (if any of you are in public health let me know!! i would love to talk about these issues more in depth BUT also gush about digimon with you) 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I hope you all enjoyed this fic, and my characterizations of Yamato & Agumon. If you couldn’t tell, I tend to write in Yamato more so, and it probably is because Yamato would probably relate more to the angsty songs I listen to LOL. 
> 
> ALSO headcanon: Yamato compiles playlists and listens to them when he’s thinking about Taichi and he gets butthurt when Taichi unknowingly pokes fun at him for his #sadteenangst vibes. Also, if Taichi ever asked Yamato the meaning behind his lyrics for his KoD songs, Yamato would never admit that they're about him until they’re married and are like 85 years old haha


End file.
